This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
