I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize