My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
