I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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