He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize