Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
