I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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