Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
