I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
two words: eviction party
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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