the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
