I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
