You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize