my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Who died my cat blue again?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
