Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
