There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
