he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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