I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
