I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize