Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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