so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
