mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
