I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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