I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My ATM looks so different sober.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
