i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
