I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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