is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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