omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize