I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
