Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
