I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
