nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
