do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
