Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
