Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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