I think my vagina is haunted
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize