If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
