i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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