i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
