yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
