dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
