And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
