hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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