what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
