very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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