the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
These tits shall not be calmed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
