Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
