bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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