I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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