i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize