im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Damn victory sex feels great
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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