TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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