my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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