Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
