I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
