ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
