Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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