nut hugger
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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