my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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