he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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