The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize