question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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