I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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