then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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