my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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