My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
