Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize