Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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