wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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