Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
