Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
