Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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