I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drunk is a universal language darling
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
