When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
