i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were trust falling into bushes
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