soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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