You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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