drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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