Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
