I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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