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I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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