If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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