The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My dick has a subreddit
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
