Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you are never too drunk for berry picking
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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