it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
