her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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