It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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