i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
