i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
