I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
