Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize