Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize