I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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