Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
