so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize