Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
