Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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