I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
