I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
