a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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