after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize