you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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