There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
