how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
