Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
