Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
