Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So gin and wine won't be happening again
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
