I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize