Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
