I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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