Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize